The first time I read these words I was already an intern at Anna Twinney’s ranch. I remember thinking how lucky I was to read them and felt as if they had been written for me… I was five years old when my heart started to remember but my brain did not know what to do with it. At the time, horses would flood my mind for a reason I couldn’t comprehend as no one in my family was close to these animals. By the age of twelve I was reading all the horse magazines that I could find, my room was a horse museum, and I knew the skeleton of the horse by heart. My obsession to get close to horses pushed me to write a very naive letter to one particular French horse magazine in which I shared my sadness in not living my passion. My mum inadvertently read it before mailing it and decided then to help me. My sisters and I got riding lessons during summer time outside of town, but everything about the riding school felt opposite to what I had dreamt of up to then. I didn’t want my mum to be disappointed so I never told her anything. I would go there with a heavy heart, disliking the riding part, and only liking the time spent on the ground brushing the horses and just being with them. The way we were told to interact with horses felt wrong. I was particularly keen on getting to know this pony called “Crinière pâle” (meaning “Fair Mane”) who was extremely aggressive in his stall and highly energized once on his back. I wanted to understand why he was like that but the only response from the staff was that I needed to boss him around.
Being an animal lover, my heart broke a million times watching equines suffer from the violence inflicted on them in the streets of Casablanca in Morocco. From my bedroom window, I would watch the carriages and wonder how I could help the horses, mules and donkeys. I still have a fresh souvenir of the day I saw this grey horse pulling a carriage and in my mind I made a promise that one day I would come back to help them.
What I didn’t know is how much my writing would affect my life. After sending that letter to the French horse magazine, I wrote to the New Zealand Embassy in France because I was horrified by my latest discovery: that helicopters were killing the Kaimanawas, feral horses in New Zealand. I got a response that they would follow up on it and I started realising that writing could have an impact. I then fell in love with the incredible story of a horsewoman called Jacqueline Ripart (also an author) who had decided to observe and study feral horses in Namibia. I wrote to her and she later became a friend who introduced me to two amazing people in the horse world, who have since inspired me to follow the call of the horses: Jean Louis Gouraud, famous equine editor and writer and Saskia Machaczek, equine consultant and horse instructor/coach. I was by then mostly involved in the editing/communication business in Paris, but the little girl in me still secretly hoped to get into the world of horses to be with them. The feeling of belonging to their world had never left me but personal matters had forced me into choosing a path made of « reasonable decisions » in pursuit of a stable, financial situation. Thanks to Saskia who became my first instructor in natural horsemanship, I would get weekends with horses, either training for endurance races or just going on trails with her.
I had happy moments but I wasn’t happy or fulfilled, and my heart kept asking me the same questions « who am I? » « what is the point of all this? » « what is my purpose? »… When I shared these questions with friends thinking they too had the same queries, they would urge me to focus on what I had: a great job and an amazing boyfriend. It was all true in appearance but I knew deep down inside something was out of alignment. What started as a whisper became so loud I couldn’t shush it anymore and had to act. I knew horses would be a part of my future, I just didn’t know where to begin… The start of a new life in Morocco was also the end of my professional and personal life in Paris. Making this hard decision allowed the voice in me to speak. And from then on, it spoke louder and louder. I started working at a horse club in Marrakech and did so for almost 4 years (out of which 2 were volunteering). The drive and passion I had for horses came back a million times stronger than when I was a little girl. It was so intense, it shadowed all the other emotions I should have felt at the time, it was a clear cut from my past life. A mission in my head started to form: get the right teacher to do better by and for the horses in Morocco. That’s when the Universe orchestrated my meeting with Anna Twinney through the book « Horse as teacher », handed over by my mum, who turned out again to be one of the Universe’s gifts to put me on my path. An avid reader of anything and everything around natural horsemanship, I was already way into one particular book. Yet, as soon as I saw « Horse as teacher », I felt the urge to simply drop everything and dive into this one. Among several stories of incredible horsewomen, Anna Twinney’s stood out. Her words « giving a voice to the voiceless » touched me to the core, and her deep connection to her mustang Excalibur as well as their encounter left me breathless. Without giving it a second thought, I emailed her and again, the act of writing a letter impacted the next chapter in my life. And wonder of all wonders, she did email me back. She could not accept me as an intern unless I had had her training, which made sense to me. Because of my unstable financial situation, I simply couldn’t afford the training. I then offered to welcome her to Morocco to show her how people trained with horses. She said yes on one condition: that I would organize a demo for her to do, and I would make sure we would have the press there. We did and it was incredible to have her with her husband Vin and their child Joseph with us! Anna’s expertise combined with her kindness shone throughout her stay. I was overjoyed when at the end of it, she decided to welcome me at her ranch in Colorado as an intern for 3 months and offer me the HHC Foundation of her training (Holistic Horsemanship Comprehensive Foundation). I went there in September 2016 and it was a dream come true! What is also amazing is that I had kept a journal of what was happening a year prior to this, asking for the Universe to bring me an opportunity of studying with a teacher of her caliber in exchange for my work in the US. How amazing that again writing my wishes was proving to be so powerful!
Doing the foundation HHC of ROTH showed me the level of compassion that Anna was having with equines, which I had never experienced before. It was never about using but about collaborating, never about dominating but about inviting. A new world of possibilities had opened up in my mind, but most of all, my heart was content for the very first time. After this, Anna decided to offer me the full training up to the instructorship. Unfortunately, I was stopped at the US border and asked to get a proper visa. Anna and Vin took a lawyer and for a year and a half battled to get me a 2 year visa. In the meantime, I worked in a private stable, met my fiancé and waited impatiently for Anna’s news. When she broke the news of my coming, I was thrilled but I also knew I would be leaving behind me my family as well as my horses, cats and dogs. During these 2 years, I learned so much about myself, about my flaws and qualities, about how to be a better horsewoman. I can now say that Anna has given me skills that I can sharpen more and more if I keep putting my heart in it. I can also say that I learned that I cannot love horses or any other being on this planet if I don’t love myself. My life lesson hit me by the end of my second year when my body could not undergo any more physical work as I had demanded too much of it. I had been warned, time and time again, by everyone that I should slow down, give it some rest. But I couldn’t. It was second nature for me to just keep going. My body had to break down for me to understand that I would lose everything if I did not pause. Cutting my stay short to go back home forced me into rethinking everything: my choices, my needs, my life. It had been such an honour to be with Anna’s herd as well as with her other animals. It had been such a joy to be with Anna’s family, who felt like a second family to me, that it did break my heart to leave so suddenly. But there was no choice. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Coming back to Morocco, the words from a magnet Anna had given me are still in my head « I am far from what I once was but I am nowhere near who I am going to be. »
I don’t know what the Universe has in store for me, I just know that my focus is now on being of service to the equines in Morocco thanks to the precious knowledge I have gained.
With ROTH, Anna has helped me remember my soul’s contract, and for that, I am forever grateful!
ROTH ~ Blog 